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Though we try our hardest to get along with our coworkers, as you likely know, it’s not always easy. Conflict is, unfortunately, a part of life.
Learning how to resolve interpersonal conflict at work is important for your professional development, and for your entire work culture.
Causes of Conflict at Work
Conflict can be sneaky. It might feel like one day you get along with everyone, then the next you’re at odds with an office mate. There might be something that goes unnoticed for a while, then one moment pushes you over the edge into resentment. Conflict doesn’t always mean disagreement. It can also refer to problems with your actual work duties.
These are a few of the most common ways that conflict can arise at work—each scenario may require a different method of conflict resolution.
Clashing Personalities
Different personalities can bring fresh perspectives to the workplace. Often, different personalities can complement each other. Other times, they clash.
It’s ok to have people in your office that you wouldn’t be friends with outside of work. The problem arises when you can’t get along in a professional setting.
While no one’s personalities or processes are wrong, they can be hard to harmonize. You might prefer to keep your nose to the grindstone and only talk about work, but your colleague might like decorating the office for holidays and talk about their weekend at the water cooler. Again, no one is in the wrong, but these clashing personalities can lead to disagreements and difficulty feeling comfortable and productive.
Work Stress
Have you ever snapped at your friends or family when you were stressed? It happens to everyone. Stress makes it harder for us to regulate emotions and think rationally. It can put a strain on any relationship.
If you’re working on an important project, or coming up on a tight deadline, that stress can lead to conflict at work. You might be less tolerant of the actions of other colleagues, you may lose track of other tasks, or you might need extra help. All of this affects interpersonal relationships, leading to work conflict.
Read more about stress and mental health in the workplace.
Personal Relationships in the Office
Because you spend so much time at work, it’s easy to build personal relationships with your colleagues, and even your superiors and direct reports. The conflict arises when the normal ups and downs of these relationships leak into how you work together.
If a manager picks a favorite, an office romance falls apart, or someone asks for too many favors—all of these can lead to conflict in the workplace.
Five Methods of Conflict Resolution
The most common framework for conflict resolution is called the Thomas-Kilmann model. It outlines five strategies that are measured by what is more important in the resolution:
- Assertiveness—achieving your goal
- Cooperation—maintaining your relationship
These strategies aren’t one size fits all. Different conflicts will require different strategies, and different people may prefer one over another.
1. Competing
This is the best strategy to achieve your personal goals, as it requires high assertiveness but low cooperation. Essentially, you take charge of a situation.
It’s not generally the best in a lot of workplace conflict, but you see it a lot in emergency situations—When someone needs first aid, you often see the recommendation for one person to tell a specific bystander to call an ambulance, another one to find a blanket, another to get water, and so on.
At work, competing is the best strategy for those conflicts that are work problems rather than interpersonal ones, especially those figurative fires that need to be put out. Managers can utilize this when unexpected situations arise.
2. Collaborating
Collaboration is both a high assertiveness and high cooperation strategy. This is the best solution for situations when you have both time for a discussion, and willingness to seek a resolution.
For example, you and a colleague process information differently. Your goals are the same, but the way you understand the problem and go about the solution might look different in your minds. Collaborating to solve it means that you two work to understand each other, and work backward from the goal to achieve it in a way that makes sense to you both.
3. Avoiding
On the opposite end of the spectrum from collaboration is avoidance. It’s both low in assertiveness and cooperation. Avoiding is simply continuing on as if there’s no conflict.
It might seem like it solves nothing, but that’s not necessarily the case. It’s a fine strategy to utilize if the goal is unimportant. For example, you may not like Halloween decorations in the office, but you have your work duties to worry about, so you avoid taking them down or complaining about them.
Avoiding is also a good short-term solution for interpersonal conflict in some situations. You may want to not address problems right away if it’s not helpful at the moment, or when emotions are high and all parties need time to gather their thoughts.
4. Accommodating
This conflict resolution strategy is low in assertiveness, but high in cooperation. It requires you to prioritize others’ needs and wants over your own. This is often the best strategy if you don’t have strong opinions about the goal or methods, or if your personal relationship with that person is more important than the goal.
5. Compromising
Of course, there’s always a happy medium. If both the relationship and the goal is important, the best strategy is to compromise. All parties may not get exactly what they want, but the solution is doable and agreeable. It might be a situation where you have to put personal feelings aside and work towards what is best for your company and coworkers.
Compromising might be difficult as it requires an open mind, setting ego aside, and having difficult conversations. However, it’s the best strategy for maintaining harmony on important issues.
Read more about the benefits of compromising and group dynamics.
Three Tips for Conflict Resolution
Conflict is difficult, but addressing it is harder. No matter which conflict strategy you choose to employ, take time to go about it the best way possible for your work environment.
1. Take the Time to Reflect on the Issue
Whether it’s 10 minutes or a few days, think about the conflict you’re planning on addressing and how. Analyze your feelings, what is at stake, your strengths and weaknesses, and who else may be involved. Many people find it helpful to write down thoughts and emotions before action.
2. Think About Your Delivery
What you say and how you say it are equally important. Stay calm when you talk and avoid accusatory language when talking to the person you’re in conflict with. Be conscious of the setting that you’re having the discussion, as well. Something might be better said over a friendly coffee one-on-one rather than in a group setting. Learn about essential communication skills for employees.
3. Take Accountability
Sometimes, you’re in the wrong. Especially when employing accommodating and compromising resolution strategies, you need to be able to admit when you need to acquiesce a point. Don’t make excuses or defend your actions when making apologies. There is room for that in some situations, but it’s far less important than being accountable.
Related course: Accountability in the Workplace Self-Paced Certificate
What to Do if You Can’t Resolve Conflict On Your Own
Whether you just can’t achieve your goals, the other person isn’t willing to talk about a disagreement, or you just keep circling back to the same issue, some conflict can’t be resolved on your own.
As an employee, you should take steps towards resolution on your own. If that doesn’t work, it’s time to loop in someone else. Depending on your work environment and what the problem is, there’s a few ways to do this.
You can ask your boss for advice on the best next steps, or you can ask for a mediation. Some things may require human resources to get involved. Cases of harassment, bigotry, or bullying should be addressed with HR or a superior right away. Related course: Workplace Bullying Self-Paced Certificate
Learn More Professional Development Skills at REDC
Conflict resolution is just one skill of many when it comes to being successful in your career. It’s a skill you can carry with you no matter where you go, and it is extraordinarily beneficial for anyone seeking leadership roles.
The Regional Economic Development Center at Yavapai College is your resource for conflict resolution and other professional development skills. Soft skills can help you go just as far in your career as hard skills, and they can be honed in the same way.
Check out our courses on workplace essentials for more ways you can grow as a professional.